Tonight, I am in total confusion. I no longer know if I’m in a search, or indeed what I could be seeking. I want to go away…. a long way away. I want to sit in the woods and feel the earth, and I want the earth to feel me.
I am heavily into a fabric commission, and would like to take off this week from work to finish it…. or get close to finishing it.
Today, only my son can make me laugh or smile. I can not do it for myself. Did this person on Saturday get too close to the feeling I was looking for? I could sit with him for hours, but sitting with him for hours would achieve nothing but having sat for hours. I lose sense of purpose, and want only to think of nothing. I’m now wondering whether this person is usurping energy from me. Since I feel totally zapped after seeing him. He looks so sick and near death. I must resist the urge to be around him. Vampires do exist. Oh, lord, help us all. Vampires do exist.
Please help me remember that. I do not want to be sucked dry by the thoughts this man has put in my brain. I must concentrate on that right now.
For the moment, please excuse me. I must set up a barrier…for him, for “big stinky”, for “hairy chest man”, for “ebenezer”, for “wanna have sex guy”, for “pink emails”, for “hi kitten”, for “irrational fear of large woman guy”, for “Charlie one nite stand from Jackson”, for them and all the rest. I need, at this moment, to protect myself from them all.
Thank you for understanding.
I’ll be back tomorrow to let you know that I have survived the situation.
later…………………
what you've said