Can hardly believe how many days have passed since last writing. Last time I said that I had discovered a person on the big M online what-not. Well, I discovered 2. The first one who was so verbose, a classical music afficionado, and wrote like one of the most literate people I know turned out to be a bizarre gun-toting homophobe, racist old fart — how gullible can I get? Maybe those years at the Skills Center were all worth it…asking the probing questions that get the answers sought. So I backed out of the phone booth on that one, and never looked back.
I will reassess at some point in the future whether or not I will make contact with anyone else. Right now, I am not starting any new communication. This is truly a voyeuristic tendency that takes a massive amount of time just shuffling through ‘candidates’ for the position of sweet buddy of mine. Yesterday on one of my requested matches, I received 490 people. 49 pages of 10 men each. Good grief. Interesting how everyone in my town is beginning to look like a profile on the big M.
And if I see one more photo of a guy sitting astride his 12 foot long motorcycle, I’ll throw up right into my keyboard. I promise. Or the guy who is really pudgy, obviously sucking it in, and labels himself as average, or the guys who are skinny and say they’re ‘a few extra pounds’ — all amazing. I’d really like to write to each one with a note about that and photos of men steering their 22 foot yachts, or of them when they had hair…sheesh. That makes me even more amazed that I found the one last guy with whom I am still communicating after 2 weeks. It gets pretty intense. More on this as it develops. The possibility that we will actually meet and get along is quite real. Once bitten, twice shy? Of course I’m trepidatious.
I look at the photos and wonder who this man is. Each photo shows me a different aspect of his life. I can only imagine just what it must be like to be in his presence. Of course, he writes well, has a really quirky sense of humor that pops out at the oddest times, and gives me a sense of peace.
So where are those locals who are brave online, but hide when it comes to face-to-face hello and how-are-you communication? Stopped by the office door of a guy in my building who had clicked on my profile a day or so before that. I said, “Well, now we know each others dirty little secrets, eh?” Took him by surprise, but he just chuckled and told me that he had been doing the online thing for several years.
I’ve only just realized — with a fair amount of intensity last night actually — that men have similar or perhaps even more personal issues about this than women do. Maybe the ones on the motorcycles actually need to be seen on their best friend, need prospective mates to know what they looked like 30 years ago, need people to see their dogs and grandchildren. Whateverrrrrrrr.
Why not go from now? Maybe we can look at the photo album (or the photos in a box up in the closet) much later. Much much later. Right now, this time is for two people who are trying to hook up and find a mutual understanding. Hold it…I forget that some are on this site for a little nookie. Or a lot of nookie. Especially that viola player who was 60 and looking for women 25-50. To each his own.
At my age, I am so different than I was even a year ago. I am so much more accepting of peoples’ ways, and know pretty much what I want in my life and what I don’t want. It is not a black/white situation, not a good/bad question. My life has been an open book for three weeks. Only the facts, only the real feelings. Am I playing by the wrong rules?
So, next big objective beyond meeting my super-communicator is to move to my new place on Tuesday. I’ve had a very rough time here in this place…the owners are itching to get in here. I will write more after my deposit and prorated rent check are in my pocket. You know what I mean.
Sending peaceful thoughts throughout the universe…
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